“Comparison is the thief of joy” said former US president Theodore Roosevelt. Wise words, and ones I repeat frequently to my clients.
But wise words are just that – words. Some things are easy to understand in theory, but harder to put into practice. I have learnt this myself since becoming a parent in late 2020. The constant assessment of milestones and developmental progress is rife among new and anxious parents. This is especially the case for parents of premature babies – our boy arrived three months ahead of his due date.
Reflecting on this, I decided to take some of my own advice and share three key reminders to help all of us avoid the comparison trap:
1. Comparing your internal perspective with others’ external image is not a fair assessment
When we see peers achieving great things, it’s very easy to feel that everyone else is doing better than you. It’s important that you remind yourself that you are comparing your internal doubts, fears, and insecurities with a snapshot of someone else’s polished and curated external. People only share what they want to share, and very often don’t disclose the failures or the mistakes it took to get there.
As well as our mistakes, we are also privy to all of the fears are self-doubts that so many of us harbour. Many people don’t openly share their insecurities or fears widely, meaning it’s easier to create an image of confidence and competence. Remind yourself that when you compare others’ external image to that of your own, you are not comparing like-for-like.
2. Context is important
Not everyone has the same start in life, and each of us experience a very unique and varied set of privileges and challenges. When job hunting, it can be easy to view others’ successes as proof that they are better than you, and we can feel even more anxious about our own lack of progress.
We need to remember that everyone’s lives and careers operate in their own context, and we may not be aware of any extra support or advantages others have been lucky enough to have.
3. Create your own goals
We may feel that others are achieving lots compared to us, but what does success actually look like for us? It’s a bit of a shortcut to use others’ success to benchmark our own. We may want to set ourselves different goals to those of our friends or family. Focusing on what other people have achieved could be a distraction from working out what is most important to us.
Being clear on your own strengths, values and preferences can help ensure you set goals that you really want to achieve.
And finally, remember…
We are all guilty sometimes of comparing ourselves to others – whether this is with our children, our job hunt, our looks, or our careers. While comparison is a very common human trait, there becomes a point where comparing ourselves to others is no longer serving us.
Focus on your own journey, on what you can control, and don’t let your perception of others’ successes (or failures) distract you from making progress to where you want to be.
Want to learn more about how my career programmes help people take control of their career? Have a look at my one-to-one career programmes.
Further reading
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